how kool is this?

green!

Did you know that you can dye yarn with Kool-Aid? IT’S TRUE. Like, if it worked on your hair as a badass tween, then it should work on all kinds of other natural fibres, right? Right. Logic! Anyway I found two really useful-looking tutorials at knitty and snowangels.com, with Kool-Aid palettes that are really to dye for (get it? dye?). I say these are useful-looking because I haven’t actually tried this Kool-Aid dyeing process myself yet. But I am dyeing to.

I’ve never even had Kool-Aid before!

Sadly, the only colours I could find (or flavours, rather) in the one supermarket I checked out were grape, cherry, and orange. Boring. Like, where were lemon lime explosion and electric blue raspberry?

cherry & tropical punch
cherry & tropical punch, from halimeade’s flickr stream

Anyway! Before I found out about this awesome dyeing process, I bought some yarn from KnitPicks to make this Super Easy Baby Blanket, in these colours here:

owbrain blankie. (owbrain? rainbow? get it? ‘cos the colours are all mixed up?)

Wouldn’t those look even better in shades of Kool-Aid??? You might have already guessed my inspiration. In case you weren’t sure, I was inspired by one particular Google image search result for “eric carle”:

eric carle cotton fabric, hijacked from apartment therapy

Now I eagerly await a package from Canada Post.

As you can tell, I am reviving this blog. Don’t be sad, though — I won’t just be writing about knitting. Stay tuned for posts about my hunt for good Kool-Aid colours, the cartoons I’m watching, things I’m working on, and maybe even some photos from when I open the parcel of rainbow yarn. Yay!

dentist kitty

cat with teeth potion

A promise from a kitten is
a promise always kept.
Impossible! That can’t be so!
But listen, how I wept!:
A street cat one day promised me
a mouth so clean and bright.
No cavities! No tooth decay!
And not a stain in sight!
“Throw out your toothbrush!” he exclaimed.
So throw it out I did.
I mean, who likes to brush her teeth?
I know of no such kid!
The cat gave me a potion black
to gargle at the sink.
“Just gargle this before you sleep,”
he told me with a wink.
I took it home, the tarry vial,
and waited for the night.
And when it fell, I drank the goop
and gargled with delight…
A future free from dental care?
My favourite fantasy!!!!!
But then I felt a tiny itch
upon my naked knee.
As I looked down, oh horror! Ach!
I saw the wicked cat!
Somehow it’d crept into my house!
I very nearly spat!
But I didn’t want the blackened goo
to stain the porcelain sink…
And so as though I had a choice,
I swallowed up the the drink.
The cat threw back its head with glee
as I fell to the floor.
I checked the inside of my mouth —
My teeth! They were no more!
Impossible! That can’t be so!
But listen, how I wept!:
A promise from a kitten is
a promise always kept.

snow kitty

A kitten came down from the sky,
from Heaven up above.
It fluttered slowly, slowly down
and fell into my glove.
Its fur was white, its mews so soft,
an angel in my grasp.
I tickled it beneath the chin
but soon I had to gasp…
for as I looked I came to see
I’d made a big mistake.
This was no cat! But a grotesque,
misshapen, wild snowflake.
Its points were mangled, bent and weird,
offending my poor soul.
It violated symmetry!
I threw it in a hole.
I watched it writhe, I watched it thaw,
that devil dressed in white.
Its shiny teeth gnashed up at me.
and tried to take a bite.
So take this as a warning fair
to save your precious pelt:
when kittens snow down from the sky,
don’t save them. Let them melt.

beard kitty

cat1

The other day I met a cat
whose fur was pink and tan.
I knelt to pat it, and it said:
“I thought you were a man!
From far away, upon your chin,
I saw a mass of hair.
But as you near to scratch my head,
I see no beard is there.”
He said this kindly, like a pal,
but still I found him crass.
I am a girl! I have no beard!
That kitten was an ass!
And so I sat upon the stoop,
and gave the cat a push,
when suddenly I yanked his tail
and threw him in a bush.
I kept the tail, a souvenir…
I know it might seem weird.
From time to time, I take it out
to wear it like a beard.

xoxo
Justina

variations on a bad habit

Hello, dear readers. You may be wondering why it has taken me so long to post here. The thing is, not much has happened between my last post and now, so it’s not like I’ve been putting this off. Nope! But this is a nice segue into  the subject of today’s post: those despicable people who put off doing things that they’re supposed to do. The scum of the earth! We appear in many forms:

the procrastineater

The procrastineater empties her dresser to smoothe out the wrinkles in her clothes. Not with an iron, though. That’s too much of a commitment. The procrastineater uses speedy Japanese folding techniques, then packs up her clothes very economically so that her drawers can finally close.

the procrastineater, II

The procrastineater, II eats when he thinks he’s bored because he thinks he has nothing to do. But really the procrastineater is trying to trick us all — and worse, himself! — by appearing to be busy with his mouth full of popcorn EVEN THOUGH THERE IS NO MOVIE PLAYING.

the procrastiknitter

The procrastiknitter sits at her computer before a blank Word document. But make no mistake! She’s never merely sitting. She’s procrastiknitting, while admiring beautiful knit objects on ravelry.

Here are some of her more recent procrastiknit objects:

garish blue coat
a garish blue coat
an ugly green sweater, complete with giant pockets and elbow patches
an ugly green sweater, complete with giant pockets and elbow patches

So she might miss some deadlines, but only by a few hours. At least we know that she and her friends will be warm this winter.

the procraftinator

The procraftinator insists that making arts and crafts is a Basic Human Right. The procraftinator believes that non-procraftinators are soulless capitalist automatons whose values are askew because they have no idea how to “let loose,” “have fun,” and “be creative.” The procraftinator’s living room is filled with an astonishing collexion of procraftinated artefacts. The stench of wet paint crossed with molding papier-mâché paste tinges the air.

See: your weird neighbour who needs a shower. Also: this guy.

the procrastinasty

procrastinasty hello kitty
Can you spot the nasty face? Isn’t she too young to be procrastinasty?

The procrastinasty treat their friends horribly not because they’re naturally inclined to hurt the ones they love, but because they’re stressed out about all of the things they’re supposed to be doing but aren’t because they are PROCRASTINASTY.

the procrastinettor

middle click/control click
middle click/control click syndrome

The procrastinettor is a self-diagnosed chronic middle-clicker (or control+clicker). He has a million Wikipedia articles open in his browser. Does he read them all? It is a mystery. At least he appears to have good intentions of self-enlightenment.

the procrastinaked

The procrastinaked has nothing to wear because the laundry never got did.

So, dear reader, what are you ?? ? ? ???

sorry sorry to the winner of the first ever caption contest

Dear readers, I am sorry for leaving you in suspense for so long. Here is an apology I wrote twenty years ago,  whose sorrys still ring true today:

i added water
I really am very sorry.

I am sorry for taking so long to announce the winners of my first ever caption contest. Thank you to everybody who submitted captions. I liked them all! But these were my favourites, the ones that made me laughed the most (in no order at all):

i added water
I hear it tickles more than anything – “will”
i added water
this is not the bathing suit i pictured myself dying in – Lyndall
i added water
In typical noob fashion, Brent had filled the pool not with “water” but “cthulu” – Evan
i added water
“An Introduction to the Works of Sigmund Freud” – S.D.
i added water
Plank (>) Plonck (V ) Planktom (*) – Lawrence (my Dad)

Actually, the last caption didn’t make me laugh because I didn’t really get it at first.

Anyway, how will you enjoy the end of August?

Me, I will enjoy it with fantastic Neo Citran dreams. Bye!!!!